I've always believe that as human beings we are all connected through energy. Energy that goes from one to the other and that it's in itself the same energy traveling around the world. So basically we are all connected in a deep emotional level, which is why when something horrible happens we can all feel it, and we sit at home watching through the television other people's pain, suffering, anguish, and feel very impotent because the truth is: there is nothing we can do. Sure, we can send food, go help, get the survivors out of wherever they might be but that is all AFTER. Through the disaster, through that moment in time and history when we sit and watch we know deep down there is nothing we can do at that precise moment that would make any difference. We can't stop the earth from shaking, the airplanes to stop, the sea to stay put, we can't do that simply by wishing it happen. And that's why our soul shatters a bit each time.
I'm not a very religious person, not really. But I do believe in that connection, how can I not? We watch them, and we feel them, we cry for them, even pray for them when we aren't really sure to whom we are praying, but we pray because nothing is ever enough... We want the earth to stop shaking around us, drowning us in itself, in the waters that surround it and we can't help but feel a deep heavy feeling in our chests because we just know, we just fear, we just expect US to be next...
The day the earth moved in Japan last 11th of March the whole world felt it.
I remember perfectly where I was. Right here. Sitting at my computer, thinking, writing, fighting with myself because I was being lazy, because I felt empty... When two o'clock in the morning came and I felt this incredible desire to do something, to run, to leave, to... and that's when I decided to go to bed. Problem was I couldn't sleep. I felt this pressure in my chest, like there was someone sitting on top of me, like I was trying to breathe but the air was too heavy. So I got up. I walked around the house, opened the refrigerator three or four times and then settle on front of my computer to read. Morning came and I couldn't sleep...
Next day I found out. The earth had moved. It had moved when I was in my bed feeling like the walls were closing in. The earth had moved when I felt I couldn't breath, the earth had moved and I... I had simply walked around feeling uneasy, damning the insomnia. And people around me had slept, slept soundly through the night, like nothing had happened.
The earth moved... Moved more than ever before. Moved with rage. Moved furiously wanting to swallow everything in it's way... and here people slept.
So many people died that night. So many... So many will never appear again...
And it's enough to make us sad, to help us feel closer to the people we love, to cuddle, and hug, and take each other hands... afraid of what would happen if we ever let go. And for one hour, one day, one week... we are more human than ever. We need each other more, we are nicer, we are more afraid, more grateful, or resentful than ever before...
March 13 I woke up with my mother sleeping beside me, her hand in mine. It's at times like this, when our soul is sad and our minds afraid, when we reach out for one another more than ever. So we slept in the bed that had been my brothers before he moved, closest thing we could get to him, and held each others hand. Closure... we needed closure. Because what could ever assure us we wouldn't be next? That one day that wouldn't be us? So we did the only thing we could do and tried to feel safe with each other. After all, we are all we have... at the moment.
When we got up, we were much more calm. Everything had passed, the night had passed and we were okay, we were sad, yes, but we could work through. We were safe.
But not everyone is... So many people... So many lost forever, so many that would never be the same again; so many that lost the people they loved... So many.
Japan lost more than 10 thousand souls in one day... This fact alone deserves at least that moment... that moment of silence, of prayer, where we think, where we feel, where we ask, where we fear... it deserves the time to think about the world, the disasters that come with us abusing the ecosystem, the fragility of life... To think about the families, the victims, the survivors. Is the moment to pray even if you don't believe or don't know how, to reflect about your life, to change deep inside, to feel raw and cry. It's the moment to be human... to exists and let that energy pour out...
The moment of silent when everything stands still.
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