Deal Breakers

I was talking with my best friend the other day and we ended up talking about deal-breakers for some reason... (I brought it up, of course!) (No, you didn't!) (Girl, what ya u doing here?) (Supervising, of course. And if u remember i told ya to write another post already!!!) (Well, yeah, but deal-breakers was my idea) (Still, I helped, didn't I?) (Yeah, ur right, I should give u credit.... Well.... say Hi, Ivy) (Hi, Ivy!) (Hilarious, really.... if we were in the 5th grade!) (Fine... Hi, little green guys... and everyone else) (Uff, now can I continue?) (Sure!) (Thanks *sarcastic*)


Anyways, we ended writing down a few deal-breakers we think are incredibly bull's eye in the whole while dating no-freaking-way-thats-happenning scheme of things... or even once in a relationship. So here they are, hope u agree:




Ok, picture it: You see a cute guy across a crowded place, your eyes lock, your hooked... He comes your way, and you notice how confident he seems and what a cute butt he has and you slowly lick your lips and smile. He gets to your table, leans over and opens his beautiful mouth to talk and... FREEZE! A few things could happen now that would make you regret ever seeing the guy in the first place; some are:

1) He opens his mouth and out comes a very hi-pitch voice that says "Hey, baby. Wanna dance?" Right words, wrong voice.
2) He opens his mouth and out comes: "Daaarling, where u get that awesome shirt? I gotta have it!". Life's so unfair, ain't it???
3)He opens his mouth and out comes a shower of words at the speed of light. Damn, the guy can talk someone out of anything BUT killing him.... they guy that kills him would pull the trigger and go into a fetal position saying over and over "Silence, I just wanted silence. Silence."
4)He opens his mouth and out comes "Wanna dance?". Seems perfect so you take his hand, get out of your chair and as you start to stand you realize: You look like a giant by his side! The guy should have a sign that says: Objects may appear larger than they actually are. And yes, guys, size does matter we just say otherwise because we don't want to hurt your feelings... at least not when we are dating you, anyways.
5)He opens his mouth and out comes "Wanna dance?". Seems perfect so you take his hand and... it's like the guy has claws!!!! When a guy has nails longer than mine, something's definitely wrong!
6)He opens his mouth and out comes "Can I sit here?". "Sure". "Thanks, doll. My feet were killing me! And God, you're cute". "Thanks *blush* (if you're the kind of girl that blushes, if not just stick to thanks.)". "I could just eat you up. What you do for a living?". "Oh, I'm a teacher". "Nice. I can imagine you disciplining me, sooo hot. You want to do discipline me? I've been a very naughty, naughty boy...". You begin to be very gross out by the guy. "Are you into 3-somes? My wife would love it if I brought someone home, u know? To spice things up a bit..." Oh, hell no!!! If you are not into that stuff it's time to walk out of there NOW! If you are, for some reason, still interested well... "Sure, is your wife hot?" "Well, if you don't mind the fact that she's pregnant she's gorgeous. We have 3 kids and god how I love to see her pregnant butt scrubing the floors!!!! Barefoot and pregnant is how I love my wives" "Wives? How many do you have?" "Five"... Ok, I don't care what you like, it's definitely time to run!!!!

That's about everything that can go wrong.... well, almost everything, anyways.

If everything actually goes ok, and you end up getting a first date with the guy, here are a few things that would/could be deal-breakers.

He took you to a very nice restaurant, low lights, great atmosphere....


1) Snapping his fingers and being rude to a waiter/waitress is definitely a deal-breaker. Rude people are always rude...
2) Everything's going great, you guys are talking, smiling, and here comes the food. Now, a few things can happen, for once, he could chew like a cow and eat with his mouth open. For me, a deal-breaker is someone that casually and without asking touches my food or gets food out of my plate. The last is kind of okay if we been dating a while or I offer, but otherwise you better not touch my food!!!!!
3)One thing my friend and I agreed was that a fanatic kind-of-guy is not good. It's one thing to love a baseball team and is another entirely different thing to take your shirt off (unless you have a very nice chest) and paint your body so you can appear on t.v. acting like a fool. But the worst kind of fanatics are political and religious ones. A guy that can ONLY talk about politics, and even more boring USA politics ('cause global news are kind of interesting), all the time is not good company. But even worst is a guy that let's me know on the first day that even though I'm going to hell and he's going to heaven he's willing to try and reform me.... Or that God is big and caring and according to blah blah blah.... Someone that recites psalms and prayers instead of poetry (which if he does ALL the time is bad too) is NOT in my dateable manual.
4) If after the date he takes you line dancing or to a polka festival,unless you are interested in that shit, is kind of loser-after-date so...nope.

Now,if everything's great and you keep dating, here are so pointers to what's simply Enough!:

1) AND THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT ONE!!!!! : WHEN GADGETS OR T.V. ARE MORE IMPORTANT THAN SEX!!! No man that's into you or in it's right mind would keep watching t.v. or playing with their new PS3 when you walk around him in a very sexy lingerie outfit, or when you just jumped him, or better just sit by his side and say casually all the very dirty things you wanna do to him, the more graphic scenes to his ear so he'll feel your hot breath in it (you can even lick him a bit...) Guys, you know this might not make any sense to some of you, but this is (and I'm almost sure of it) one of the reasons they invented pause on video games (this and of course sandwich and bathroom breaks...); and t.v. there are always re-runs, downloads and the always faithful video store so unglued yourselves from there and start showing her how much you care....
2) If he drinks ALL the time. It's okay to grab a drink every once in a while, maybe even one drink every day (why not?) but when your sweetie get's home totally wasted almost every single day something is NOT right... He might have some problem he hasn't shared with you or simply an addiction so, either get him help or get out of it before it's too late.
3) Last but not least, of course, DRUGS are a big no-no in my book. Some girls won't mind if their boyfriends smoke a joint every once in a while... I do because usually people get annoying when they're high (me included....but that was loooong ago). But any other kind of drug, like cocaine or ecstasy either recreational or serious use... I'm definitely not into that.






Hope I was helpful or funny, if not then well... I don't give a fuck!

LOL

Thanx for reading, my faithful lil green guys.... C ya soon.