I realized today that I wrote nothing about the holidays at all. I think is because I'm still in shock at the fact that I'm without deny or posibility to go back, older than I was. Not only in terms of age but in terms of experience too. I've come a long way this year:
(1) I put the past behind, where it belongs, and with it everyone that goes in it: Mr. Ego, Mr. Fuck Me, a great friend, and some others not worth mentioning.
(2) I actually studied!!! Incredible but true!
(3) I put my priorities in perspective and analized what I want out of life. Didn't got very far in the whole scheme of things but two steps closer is still two steps closer to the finish line.
(4) And most importantly I feel much more light. No more dragging around the horrible memories, the guilt and the feeling that karma was out to get me. Which I'm pretty sure karma tried a few times, almost finished me too; since I've been in about 3 or 4 accidents that were a complete wreck. I think I'm alive by mere miracle. The first one I had if I hadn't been changing the radio I would have gone out the front of the car, maybe fly a few feet. Instead I hit my head against the front mirror and was knocked unconscious. The others I don't know but somehow I felt very calmed and afterwards mad but was otherwise fine except for my car. Which was completely destroyed in the front. The third one I had, total my car. Left me with a few spasms, my chin out of place and a few bruises but otherwise ok. None else was hurt, just me. Which is why I think karma was out to get me, thank goodness it seems to be content with that, not like poor Earl...
OMG! I left the draft for this post incomplete about two days ago 'cause I had no idea where I was going with it and then today I had another encounter of the third kind, and no, I'm not talking aliens but karma. (But that would be something. Like: I was on the highway, when i saw an alien coming towards me; I thought omg, they are real, then when da light of their craft hit my car iluminating it only one thing came to mind: shit.... first u think or say it.... then u do it. . . [Lil story provided by my friend... see? I'm not that weird!)
I'm definitely karma's bitch... that sounds horrible but then again doesn't the truth always sounds horrible? Today, I was on my way to Starbucks when... Wait! Let me start by saying that it was rainning cats and dogs (not literally 'cause that'll be something!) and basically my car all of a sudden starts sliding right when I was in the left side... horrible experience. I couldn't do nothing but kind of close my eyes, hit the brakes as far as I could, hold the steering wheel firm and wait for the impact! Afterwards all I could do was laugh my ass off... I have no idea why but it was freaking hilarious! Nothing besides a fucked up tire happened but I laugh and laugh... and then went Fuck! It just hit me... I was in my mom's car!
Anyways, that goes to show Karma never forgets and apparently I'm still paying for all the fucked up things I did, all the people I hurt and all the lives I altered. Not gonna get on that now, but that's the way it works I guess... Just hope it would be satisfy soon, because I need to make this year a VERY VERY different one!
Love always,
Karma's Bitch
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